tears of shogun/父の涙

 

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I saw my dad cry once.

One night, while he was drinking at home,  he murmured that he had only his father after his mother died. Then, his eyes suddenly became red and misty, tears slipped, and he carelessly wiped them with his hand. My grandfather had passed a few months earlier.
I was in shock. My dad was the grand alpha, the shogun of the house, and never showed much emotion. He had been so much in control even at the funeral. We, kids, became uncomfortable, averted our eyes and quietly left the room that night.

It has been over ten years since my dad passed away. He has both parents with him now, I suppose.

父が泣くのを、一度だけ見たことがある。
父の父、つまり私の祖父が亡くなって数ヶ月経ったある夜だった。仕事から帰って、いつものようにビールか何かを呑んでいた父が、母親を亡くしてから父親と二人きりだった、とつぶやいた。そして、いきなり泣いた。酔ったおかげで少し赤くなった顔で、目を真っ赤にして、タバコを持っていない方の手でこぼれる涙を無造作に拭った。昔ながらの気質の父で、葬式の時もしっかりしていたから、衝撃だった。私達子供三人は、見ない振りをして、無言で部屋を出たのを覚えている。
その父も、もう十年以上前に亡くなった。

 

 

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One Comment Add yours

  1. OnChi says:

    This makes me think of my own father. I never realized it, but I don’t think I’d ever seen him cry. Ever.

    Liked by 1 person

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