days after

I lay on the bed and opened my eyes. It was still dark. I hadn’t had much sleep but got up.

I wished it had been a bad dream and everything was okay.

I knew it wasn’t and felt overwhelmed.

Once the sun was up, the personnel from the medical equipment company came to pick up the empty bed and the silent oxygen machine. After they left, friends took me to the mortuary to sign papers. I was forced back to reality.

Later that day, though, I stopped to wonder how the sun came up and people went on with their lives as if nothing had happened while my life had turned upside down. I felt alienated and isolated.

That was over four years ago.

Yesterday, I woke up with the similar anxiety and spent the whole day alone depressed. Not because I got what I didn’t want but because I saw the truth – we actually think that some deserve less.

I tried to stay positive; I read other people’s posts and even wrote some humorous pieces, though I felt turned off by my self-absorption and never clicked publish.

I am an optimist and believe that people are inherently good and there are no bad people. We all have sensitivity, empathy, ego and self-righteousness in us, and are capable of balancing them.

When our intellect cannot reason with the irrational, when humility and compassion cannot overcome egotism and bigotry, however, it scares and hurts me.

Why should I even try to comprehend?

Then, I realized that is the exact idea that drives animosity.

I looked at the clock, swept our hairs off the floor and walked the dogs.

I keep living.


9 Comments Add yours

  1. You are a kind heart and ever so worthy. But there ARE bad people in this world — or at least there are people who do bad things — and we all must steer clear of them insofar as we can. Take care of yourself, and don’t allow the stress of coping with such people make you sick.


  2. Love it Now says:

    very nice written, I could slide on your words:)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Good is where we find it. It’s almost as if we make it. Just look at the dogs. They make good wherever they are. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. andysmerdon says:

    My favourite T-shirt (which I have on right now) says “In Dog We trust” – they are our saviours sometimes. Beautifully recalled nelkumi 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. nelkumi says:

      Indeed they are. Thank you for dropping by. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. andysmerdon says:

        my pleasure nelkumi 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. rgayer55 says:

    One of our close friends lost her husband suddenly to a massive heart attack two weeks ago. This post speaks volumes of her pain.

    Liked by 1 person

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