goodbyes

  When bands of color shimmer in the sky, I think of you. When wings flap, I think of you. When the singing gets louder and clearer, I think of you. When the night winks, I think of you. People seem to leave. Good people.   訃報続きで、ちょっと、へこむ。    

self-assured

  I have a catharsis when I do the things I’m not supposed to do – having ice cream for dinner, eating a bowl of cereal at 10:45 pm, standing at the edge of a surface and looking down, being unkempt, cutting hair myself, hiding while feeling sorry for myself. “Inspiration is for amateurs. The…

to have and to hold

I didn’t have a plan. I just hoped you’d be with me, for better, for worse. 久しぶりに、犬を連れて歩きながら泣いた。犬が止まったまま自分も立ち止まり、犬が匂いを嗅ぐ様子を見ながら、ふと、涙が浮かんで溢れた。 少し前はよくこうなった。動作や思考が止まると、自然と涙が流れてきていたので、忙しい仕事や邪魔してくれる人たちに助けられていた。生きている限り、そばにいる人をなくすこともある。ただ、ただ、生き続けるしかない。 最近、ようやく落ち着きが戻ったところだった。 心を暗くしたのは、朝起きて携帯の電源を入れた時に読んだ着信メッセージ。30年来の友人が亡くなった、と。    

paradise

Palm fronds swing in a tune of Utopia. The scent of gardenia croons in euphoria. And, blue meets blue far, far away. I live in paradise, with monophobia. I know I make some friends worry when I go dark and deep. They are good to me, and I am fortunate to have them in my…

frame of mind

Live obliviously or think aloud? Being mindful stresses me out. My head becomes too congested. I wish, one day, we all could acknowledge that we are all beautiful in different ways – different colors and shapes, various disadvantages and imperfections, diverse talents and abilities, and all sorts of minds and hearts.     非日常が日常な人や時もある。  

a new day

“What do you do all day all by yourself?” “Oh, you know…. I write. (Do I?) I paint. (Do I?) I take care of the house (I don’t.) and dogs.” It’s torture, torment, but, I don’t have enough superiority complex to tell them, “None of your business,” or the smarts to retort, “I breathe.” It…

confusion

I grew up surrounded by love, unconditional love. I never doubt if my family would be there for me. Because they loved me so, my parents raised me to conform to the society’s norms. That way, they thought, I would lead a happy life. My husband despised anyone trying to fit in and respected the…

feeling unmoored

I have no one waiting for me or needing me, no responsibilities – socially or personally, and no sense of reality nowadays. Do people call this an unmoored life? Disconnected, unattached, loose, therefore, confused, insecure, and unstable.   For The Daily Post’s daily prompt, Unmoored.     定期的に、3日くらい続けて何もしたくなくなる。ただ、ただ、頭をパソコンに突っ込む。現実を見ないように。惨めな自分の姿に気づかないように。    

like mother, like daughter

I am a daughter. I am a sister. I have been a friend. I have been a missus. I’ve never been a mother or called “Mommy” either. But, I am my mother. 母にずいぶん似てきたと言われる。 褒め言葉でもないような——— 。    

wish

  I look up at the cloudless clear sky. Cheery. Pleasant. Upbeat. I wish for overcast.     調子に乗るくらい幸せになりたい。    

rainbow

With thick dark clouds threatening, I walk towards the colossal rainbow. It bridges the sky from south to west. The closer I get, the taller and mightier it gets. While the rest of the sky is dreary, as if to encourage me, its inviting glow is reaching out. I smile luminously. Then, the colors start…

first love

  You loved hard, and you’re scarred. Now you know the colors of heart, – bright, vivid, dark and plain, you will find love again.   君が残してくれたもの。 君が教えてくれたこと。