learning

My initial reactions used to be to panic and to try to figure out what I did wrong. Now, I walk away and stay away. Innocence and ignorance keep your ability to listen and react viscerally, I think.   For The Daily Post’s daily prompt, Visceral.   ちびまる子みたい、おもしろい、とか言われるのに…     Advertisements

love is …

  “I love you.” “Me, too.” “You do? You love yourself!?”   You never have to explain.     あの時のままじゃなくて、変わるから、生きていける。  

soliloquizing

  “Where are you? With whom?” my heart wonders, while wishing you were here with me. 独り言…  

confidante

  We laugh and giggle at the silliest things, exchanging the knowing glances. Once we settle down a little, we poke at the crumbs on the plate with dessert forks. We have been sipping stagnant and lukewarm tea in a set of fine china. “I always have fun when I’m with you. You’re hilarious.” “Aww…

cacophonous

  I do not die. I saunter the same route over and over. I do not cry. I moisten the goblet and stay sober, worshipping the intangible, every aesthetic fiber. Like a sweater I once wore, I stretch until no more, thinking too much, trying as such. Then, I let go, shrinking to a ball,…

goodbyes

  When bands of color shimmer in the sky, I think of you. When wings flap, I think of you. When the singing gets louder and clearer, I think of you. When the night winks, I think of you. People seem to leave. Good people.   訃報続きで、ちょっと、へこむ。    

to have and to hold

I didn’t have a plan. I just hoped you’d be with me, for better, for worse. 久しぶりに、犬を連れて歩きながら泣いた。犬が止まったまま自分も立ち止まり、犬が匂いを嗅ぐ様子を見ながら、ふと、涙が浮かんで溢れた。 少し前はよくこうなった。動作や思考が止まると、自然と涙が流れてきていたので、忙しい仕事や邪魔してくれる人たちに助けられていた。生きている限り、そばにいる人をなくすこともある。ただ、ただ、生き続けるしかない。 最近、ようやく落ち着きが戻ったところだった。 心を暗くしたのは、朝起きて携帯の電源を入れた時に読んだ着信メッセージ。30年来の友人が亡くなった、と。    

notification

“You last updated your profile 2,626 weeks ago.”  

frame of mind

Live obliviously or think aloud? Being mindful stresses me out. My head becomes too congested. I wish, one day, we all could acknowledge that we are all beautiful in different ways – different colors and shapes, various disadvantages and imperfections, diverse talents and abilities, and all sorts of minds and hearts.     非日常が日常な人や時もある。  

confusion

I grew up surrounded by love, unconditional love. I never doubt if my family would be there for me. Because they loved me so, my parents raised me to conform to the society’s norms. That way, they thought, I would lead a happy life. My husband despised anyone trying to fit in and respected the…

feeling unmoored

I have no one waiting for me or needing me, no responsibilities – socially or personally, and no sense of reality nowadays. Do people call this an unmoored life? Disconnected, unattached, loose, therefore, confused, insecure, and unstable.   For The Daily Post’s daily prompt, Unmoored.     定期的に、3日くらい続けて何もしたくなくなる。ただ、ただ、頭をパソコンに突っ込む。現実を見ないように。惨めな自分の姿に気づかないように。